Scottish Salmon Leaps Again

For every cloud there is a silver lining; in the case of Andy Murray’s defeat at the Australian Open it was the remarkable resurrection of a long lost dance of the ancient heaths. It was indeed a glorious day for Scotland – only surpassed by the kilt ban lift of 1782. Silence, never, the Scottish Salmon Side-Shuffle. Revel in it’s beauty @ 43seconds.

HAVE YOU WON?

We have finally announced the winner of our radio-controlled monster truck, courtesy of NitroTek. Find out if it’s you at www.rubberduckmag.com

COLD WAR

With Jon at the wheel, features editor Dan battles the elements from the passenger seat of issue 2′s rip-roaring R500…

Over 600-miles of Chinese-water-torture in the freezing passenger seat of the fastest Caterham ever built… just to get seven minutes of video?! Great idea Jon…

It’s amazing what goes through your mind when you’re pushed to the limits of human endurance. I found that singing a song in my head was a pretty good way of keeping my mind off the numbing pain in my butt, my frozen fingers and the pea-sized, bullet-velocity hailstones slamming into my barely protected face. ‘Highway to the Danger Zone’ by Kenny Loggins; a cheesy 80’s rock track from the Top Gun movie was my tune of choice – I’m not sure how this song got into my head on the fateful night in the Caterham, but I do remember the last time I heard it was pumping out of the stereo of someone else’s Mercedes SLR McLaren, as I drove, at speed, through the swarming Bangkok traffic, looking for the airport in a last minute dash to catch a plane. That was automotive madness, and so was the nightmare night in the Caterham. But at least the SLR had a windscreen, and it was 30-degrees not zero, and ice wasn’t forming on my chin, and… well, you get the picture.

It was late, it was dark, and it was certainly very cold. All day we’d been hacking up half the length of the UK in a white Caterham R500 Superlight; a truly wild-riding, super-sports car, that under more ‘normal’ circumstances; on a warm day, on a dry road and safely wrapped-up in a crash helmet, is probably the most exciting and satisfying driver’s car on our Earth – but tonight as we forge our way through driving hail and rain, is probably that fastest transportation to insanity (0-62mph in 2.88 seconds) this side of a barrel-ride over Niagara Falls!

After so many hours in the howling wind, rain and hail my forehead is so deep-chilled that I must be moments away from a frozen-full-frontal-lobotomy, but then we spot a road sign guiding us to our stopover point for the night, promising a warm bed, hot tea and a slap-up meal, and our spirits lift. But, ‘someone up there’ must be mad at us, and as one last punishment sends the hail down even harder and sharper than before – most of it seems to find its way into my left ear with laser-guided accuracy. Still, before too long we’re in our warm beds with a belly full of hot grub, still frozen to the bone but 100 per cent happier.

This mission into madness has only one reason behind it: to hit the rollercoaster-wonder-road known as the Cat & Fiddle by the morning, in the Caterham, with a video camera. This driver’s dream of a road runs from Macclesfield to Buxton; some towns, somewhere, in a northern bit of England, linked by this cuddly-sounding route that is actually THE most dangerous drive in the UK. Gulp!

By the break of dawn Jon – RD’s official Caterham aficionado – is behind the wheel and I’m on camera and cop-watch duties. I need my eyes peeled to get the great shots, and to spot the law, who could be tracking us from unmarked cars, superbikes, mobile radar units, and even from the sky in their special copper-chopper. It’s going to be a busy 7-minutes (a quick time from end to end) for the ‘Duck drivers.

With points in the road with scary names like ‘Blind Bends’ and ‘Casualty Corner’ and endless ‘Danger,’ ‘Slow’ and ‘Police’ warning signs, I have to admit that I’m feeling a fresh creep of concern seeping into my tired brain, especially after the motorway madness from last night that’s already fried my nerves and left me with a madman’s twitch. Still, we’re here to do what we came to do, and after all this pain a quick look around the countryside confirms that this looks like one of the sweetest road-rides we’ve ever set tyre on.

I’d like to be able to tell you which of the snake-linked bends was the wildest, or which hairpin we took the hardest, or perhaps which of the straights was the quickest, but I just don’t know – as Jon was slamming gears through the sequential ‘box and barking the 263bhp motor, my eye’s were scanning the sky high above and deep into the distant horizon, searching for any signs of the Her Majesty’s Finest…

The drive to the Cat & Fiddle pass was one of the hardest, meanest things I’ve ever done. There were times when we could’ve cried like kids and wailed for our mums, but we didn’t. We kept singing our songs in our heads, made it to the pass and grabbed the exclusively killer RubberDuck video – available by clicking the movie icon at the top right of this page. I wonder what song Jon was singing in his head? ‘I’m Every Woman’ by Chaka Khan most probably…! Anslow

RubberDuck Delivers Digital to Deaf Readers

Our 2010 award-winning digital car magazine has proudly become the first digital publication ever to recruit a dedicated Deaf Sign Editor; producing the world’s first BSL Deaf-enabled magazine.

The exciting new move sees RubberDuck, which was recently awarded a ‘Car Magazine of the Year’ award by Quark, Microsoft and WIRED magazine, commit to a long line of digital access initiatives that will be rolled out from this December onwards – ultimately opening up the unique benefits of digital to the Deaf and the Blind.

Speaking of her new role, profoundly-Deaf editor, Lilli Risner said: “I think the magazine having a BSL function is absolutely fabulous. It’ll be the first time this has ever happened, so kudos to RubberDuck! The magazine is very exciting to read. I love the way the content is presented and the graphics too, especially the revolving ‘wildest, maddest’ slogan.”

Production of RubberDuck’s new BSL function was over-seen by Remark! – the UK’s largest Deaf-led/Deaf-run company. Talking of their involvement, Head of Translation Rebecca Edwards said: ” We are very excited to be working with RubberDuck on their pioneering digital Deaf-enabled function. Currently there are no similar projects to this available and at Remark! we love to be involved in anything groundbreaking.”

RubberDuckMagazine is one of the UK’s longest serving digital magazines and as such remains the UK’s only interactive online car magazine – with a firm following of both male and female, from as far a field as North America, Australia, South Africa and the UAE.

The creative team includes Jon Saxon, Dan Anslow, Andy Screen, Gavin Weston and Russell Clark – who have collectively worked for EVO, CAR, Playboy and iGizmo.

www.rubberduckmag.com

Get Your Trumpets Out!

Once you have mastered the art of blowing your own trumpet, the most logical step is to sling your new-found talent at anyone and anything stupid enough to sit and listen to you. In my case that’s you (I’ve already bored my mum to tears and the cat’s left home).

So the team here at RubberDuckMag would like to duly show off their blowing skills by airing the fact that our dear little Duck has been nominated for ‘Car Magazine of the Year’ by DMA – the official awards body for outstanding achievement in the Digital Magazine Industry.

We still have 7-days to wait for the final announcement, but not wanting to waste an opportunity to make a hoopla I invite you to lean your support our way – ultimately by turning up the volume on your computer (in the more public and inappropriate place the better) and CLICKING the word TRUMPET!

Party Animal

Don’t we all act a little smug on our birthday? It’s hard not to I suppose, especially when a gaggle of guests gather around a similar creation of cake and candles (as seen in this picture) to sing your praises? Oh he’s a jolly good fellow indeed, but no matter how much this day is lay aside exclusively for present-giving, pampering and partying, no one should ever be subjected to the aggravated levels of arrogance displayed by this dog – his big day or not!

Though the team’s appointed ‘pat and pet’ man, I must admit that I’d struggle a stroke, never mind chuck a stick for this smug bastard. I mean just look at him. Out of shot is an orderly queue of eager party-goers patiently awaiting their turn to wipe that smug look from his face…

Not all dogs are this arrogant, as ardent readers of RubberDuckMag.Com will happily confirm (see previous ‘Digital Dogs’ blog entry); never an issue goes by without a friendly pooch of sorts casually splayed across a page or two – none more memorable than the Lamborghini Labrador, featured in the launch issue, and the random Retriever which gatecrashed issue two’s Caterham photoshoot. The latter can be found at the tail-end (page 15) of the current issue of Plastic Pig – RubberDuckMag.Com’s monthly newsletter. CLICK HERE to read Plastic Pig FREE today.

Digital Dogs

I’ve never personally been against featuring a dog or two in the pages of the magazines I work for: including my very own dear DuckMag. …which is probably why such a fine beast took the time out of his busy schedule to join the RubberDuck team on their Super 7/Scirocco shoot, for issue 2. A lovely surprise too, as we had no idea what his name was, or where he came from. CLICK HERE to check out the picture in our blog rag – Plastic Pig

RubberDuckMag nominated for ‘Car Magazine of The Year’

RubberDuckMag nominated for ‘Car Magazine of The Year’ in the 2010 Digital Magazine Awards @ http://ow.ly/2e2XA

Rubber Radio

What better way to celebrate Friday than with RubberDuckRadio? This week’s guests include Public Enemy, The Specials, BLADE, Delores Ealy, The Sex Pistols and France Gall: Give it a listen here

eDay

20 eBay listings, 10 days, 200 bids and a Midlands car mag called www.rubberduckmag.com has raised £2127 so far for 3-year old Ruby Owen’s cause. Keep checking out our eBay store page to help us raise more for this worthy charity.

Radio 1

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RubberDuckMag is 1 year old today: listen to our birthday radio show @ http://rubberduckmag.podomatic.com

RubberDuckMag’s charity eBay auction now LIVE

RubberDuckMag is putting it’s weight behind a time-sensitive eBay campaign to help raise £250,000 with our stunning 10-day eBay charity auction, for a two-year old Midlands girl called Ruby Owen who requires lifesaving Proton Beam Therapy treatment overseas.

We have contacted all the major players, the minor players and the injured players of the motoring industry for creative and ambitious product donations to auction on this dedicated eBay charity page. Click on the ‘store’ tab above or the eBay advert to the right to see who have supported us…

The staff here at RubberDuckMag have donated a set of 7×16 Minilite alloys, a swanky leather Audi briefcase, a cracking Mk5 Golf GTI Chronograph watch that allows you to time your car’s speed – and a top-shelf Simpson Invader racing helmet.

All of our exclusive charity listings start at 99p, with no reserve, with 100% of the money raised going to Caudwell Children charity, on behalf of the Owen family.

So what are you waiting for folks? Click here and start bidding handsomely today. You can also follow the progress @ http://twitter.com/rubberduck4ruby

Duck turns Blue

RubberDuckMag’s video editor Blue Phanom rides shotgun in an LP560-4 following our Motown mag feature: http://tinyurl.com/motownLP

Check out more of Blue Phanom’s antics @ http://bluephanom.com

Word up!

RubberDuck’s bubbly blog may well have a step-son of blog companion sooner than we think – with a riotous refresh of www.rubberduckmag.com taking shape as we speak. The WordPress blog will still exist, as a blog archive, with all the latest funny and not so funny blurts of nonsense featured daily and exclusively on www.rubberduckmag.com

Mr. T

There are days that you’d wish you could forget forever, with others that are neither here or there. But every now and then you have one of those days that celebrates life itself; one such being the day I tested the mighty Caparo T1 hypercar, as the then-Editor-In-Chief of evo magazine over in Dubai.

To put this £211,000 car into perspective, we took the 575bhp British-built car to the same test track where we timed all of our cars. My yellow mongrel of a Caterham CSR 260 had stayed at the top of the pile for months – until it met with a wall on the way to buy pillows at Ikea – with a 1 min 14:51, managing 130.4mph before braking off the main straight for the first turn.

My then-boss Bassam’s Radical SR3 toppled the time with a 1min 02, at 142mph.

Then along came the flat-mat orange 550kg Caparo T1 (a carbon car capable of 60mph in under 2.5 seconds) chassis 001 as it so happens.

Without even trying (easily another 5 seconds to shave off the time for sure) by the third lap we’d smashed the outright record: 54 seconds, and a staggering 171mph… The Dubai Autodrome race circuit holds many international events, including GP2 and our small team of three at evo back then had held the lap record for close on two years, maintaining our clout as the quickest magazine in the UAE with our Caparo outing.

Dubai drownings

Darkness has fallen on Dubai’s decade of decadence, so it would appear, with the extravagant emirate on the brink of drowning in it’s own sand; taking with it a debt of billions, broken dreams and the golden era of glitz, glamour and gluttony.

Those days of jollying around Dubai eating money, drinking oil and bathing in fuel now seems such a distant memory.

Yet with all that money growing on those palm trees littering the platinum sidewalks of the UAE, not a bean was spent on proper drainage. Add a deluge and many deaths followed.

So akin to Angelina Jolie I did my bit for humanity back in 2008 by selflessly embarking on a demonstration to showcase the dangers of driving in the rain – summoning a band of merry men who shared my quest for education (including the ex-Lotus odd-job lad James Burnett) and headed to a duly drenched Dubai race circuit, fighting tooth and nail to complete a full lap of the track (by any means necessary) in the lashing rain, safely.

The results being far less of an illustration and somewhat more of a giggle; three soldiers of fortune, an Audi RS4, an inflated bed, flippers and goggles all around, some spankingly fresh Speedos and a jet ski.

More wheels & watersport @ www.rubberduckmag.com

Warped sense of humour

I like doing my bit for charity – and this I do best by digging for records at high street charity stores, especially when I have friends and family in tow to annoy.

But every now and then you have that generosity thrown back in your face…

My most recent snubbing was at a local Oxfam, where I gleefully handed over £5 for a Best of the Sixties and Seventies vinyl box set only to find out the albums were warped and distorted beyond play.

More fool me for not checking them properly at the time, but sometimes you do feel an idiot for surveying charitable donations as if a Ming vase or potential Rembrandt. It was a grossly infuriating experience nevertheless: And £5 after all!

But not all was lost, I’m proud to proclaim, as the Ortofon needle finally rode the rollercoaster of vinyl – steadfast – without leaping out of the groove by the second bar and off the platter like an autumnal salmon.

It was a joyous occasion, indeed defined by my dad swinging both his vocal cords and mobility around Dave Dee, Dozy, Beaky, Mick & Tich’s 1967 top-10 classic ‘Okay’ – chopping red onions as he did.

Admittedly it was no more than 5-centremetres-worth of song – and the only one out of 100 that should and could be played – but hell what a track; worth every one of those five-hundred pennies I’d say.

Boxing day

We are constantly encouraged to think outside of the box. Sometimes though we should worry less of the unknown and concern ourselves more with the box itself and (in this particular case) whether or not the box constructed behind my friend Captain Toby’s villa would fit through the narrow gap leading to the car port.

It needed thought too, because this custom-built box housed the remains of my Caterham CSR 260.

A carpenter had been enlisted; arrived armed with a tape measure, pen and paper. He later showed up at my apartment, needing money and to showcase his 19-year old daughter. I was not entirely happy to be foraging around for £700 at 4.45am, for some wood and nails, but more annoyed that I wasn’t 10 years younger.

Funny thing is, I never saw the box being built, assuming that the box had been built at the front of the villa, or off-site then had the car loaded in. But on arrival I soon calculated there was an awful situation waiting to rear its ugly head.

There have been many reported tales of how people built their kit-cars on the kitchen floor then wonder why the product of six months blood sweat and tears wouldn’t fit through the kitchen door. The same situation was now staring me in the face. What to do?

Put it all in the hands of a forklift operator I say. But how he managed to get the boxed car out from behind the villa and squeeze it through such an impossibly tight spot is beyond me. As always – the pictures tell only half of the story!

Goode too many shoes

For the sane among us 300bhp is perhaps 100 horses too many for a front-wheel drive car to manage. Clearly Ford thinks not – by producing thus, the outstandingly bullish 301bhp Ford Focus RS Mk2. But then there’s Leicester based Ford RS specialist Graham Goode Racing, who with 33-years of under-bonnet experience, decided the 2.5-litre, five-cylinder turbocharged Focus could do with a touch more in the pony department: creating the independently validated 368bhp upgrade, complete with 339lb.ft. The GGR RS370FR Focus RS upgrade is available now priced at a rather fitting £3750.00 plus VAT, including fitting and warranty – including:

GGR carbon fibre Cold Air Induction System (CAIS)
GGR large capacity air to air intercooler with alloy air diverter plates
GGR large volume fuel injectors
GGR silicone boost hoses
GGR large bore exhaust turbo front pipe and sports catalyst section
GGR specification ECU remap using Superchip’s Bluefin and firmware upgrade

“In our opinion, this is the optimum power and torque output for the car,” says GGR’s Technical Manager Alastair Mayne, “because even with the sophisticated Revoknuckle front suspension and Quaife ATB differential, gaining sufficient traction can be a problem. Bearing that in mind, we’ve made a conscious policy decision to limit the engine’s torque, although there’s certainly more to come from the motor if we wanted it because the RS370FR package is running relatively low levels of boost.”

Full review to come in www.rubberduckmag.com

You know the drill!

The year was 1986, within a record month for RubberDuck staff snapper Gav and I to bunk school. We were having a damn good run too, until we were approached by fellow schooler Rob who wanted in on our school-skip soiree.

After much debate and threats from his side (that if we said no he would tell tale to the headmaster) we welcomed him with open arms. That day we frolicked in fresh fields of barley, splashed about in the river, set fire to anything that stood still long enough and flicked through magazines unfit for our teenage eyes.. We harassed adults from behind hedges, fell over lots, got our feet stuck in rabbit holes and barged our way into any barn and garden shed we could – taking whatever we could fit in our pockets.

Then came lunchtime. But the thing was, our lunch-boxes couldn’t hold a candle to Rob’s – which was brimming with luscious delights, such as Wagonwheels, an assortment of sweets, ham sandwiches made with (shock horror) white bread, a can of fizzy pop and, a packet of Smiths ‘Salt N Shake’ crisps. Looking back at our wilted brown bread sarnies and fresh fruit Gav and I hatched a plan.

‘Ah gay salt, I didn’t know you did gay salt,’ says Gav as Rob prized open his packet of crisps. Rob is confused, but Gav goes on to explain that the nondescript blue sachet of salt enclosed in the crisp packet was the ingredients of homosexuality: ‘If you eat the salt on its own you become gay for a while’. Rob drops the packet to the floor, but – Gav is quick to pick it up – tearing it open to pour out a few salt grains into his palm. He tips an equal measure into mine. We take the grains and lie back, waiting for the rush!

Seconds later and Gav has a firm hand on Rob’s knee. Not a millisecond later and Rob is running his heart out down the field away from the raging homos, who just so happened to be tucking into his ham butties and dessert – soon to be washed down with good ole Coco Cola. Thing is though, he ran all the way home without his treasured lunch-box, way before the school bus had even left school (which was ten miles away) and told his mum everything of the two gays that had eaten his lunch. From that day on Rob has been referred to as ‘Gay Salt’.