Over 600-miles of Chinese-water-torture in the freezing passenger seat of the fastest Caterham ever built… just to get seven minutes of video?! Great idea Jon…

It’s amazing what goes through your mind when you’re pushed to the limits of human endurance. I found that singing a song in my head was a pretty good way of keeping my mind off the numbing pain in my butt, my frozen fingers and the pea-sized, bullet-velocity hailstones slamming into my barely protected face. ‘Highway to the Danger Zone’ by Kenny Loggins; a cheesy 80’s rock track from the Top Gun movie was my tune of choice – I’m not sure how this song got into my head on the fateful night in the Caterham, but I do remember the last time I heard it was pumping out of the stereo of someone else’s Mercedes SLR McLaren, as I drove, at speed, through the swarming Bangkok traffic, looking for the airport in a last minute dash to catch a plane. That was automotive madness, and so was the nightmare night in the Caterham. But at least the SLR had a windscreen, and it was 30-degrees not zero, and ice wasn’t forming on my chin, and… well, you get the picture.

It was late, it was dark, and it was certainly very cold. All day we’d been hacking up half the length of the UK in a white Caterham R500 Superlight; a truly wild-riding, super-sports car, that under more ‘normal’ circumstances; on a warm day, on a dry road and safely wrapped-up in a crash helmet, is probably the most exciting and satisfying driver’s car on our Earth – but tonight as we forge our way through driving hail and rain, is probably that fastest transportation to insanity (0-62mph in 2.88 seconds) this side of a barrel-ride over Niagara Falls!

After so many hours in the howling wind, rain and hail my forehead is so deep-chilled that I must be moments away from a frozen-full-frontal-lobotomy, but then we spot a road sign guiding us to our stopover point for the night, promising a warm bed, hot tea and a slap-up meal, and our spirits lift. But, ‘someone up there’ must be mad at us, and as one last punishment sends the hail down even harder and sharper than before – most of it seems to find its way into my left ear with laser-guided accuracy. Still, before too long we’re in our warm beds with a belly full of hot grub, still frozen to the bone but 100 per cent happier.

This mission into madness has only one reason behind it: to hit the rollercoaster-wonder-road known as the Cat & Fiddle by the morning, in the Caterham, with a video camera. This driver’s dream of a road runs from Macclesfield to Buxton; some towns, somewhere, in a northern bit of England, linked by this cuddly-sounding route that is actually THE most dangerous drive in the UK. Gulp!

By the break of dawn Jon – RD’s official Caterham aficionado – is behind the wheel and I’m on camera and cop-watch duties. I need my eyes peeled to get the great shots, and to spot the law, who could be tracking us from unmarked cars, superbikes, mobile radar units, and even from the sky in their special copper-chopper. It’s going to be a busy 7-minutes (a quick time from end to end) for the ‘Duck drivers.

With points in the road with scary names like ‘Blind Bends’ and ‘Casualty Corner’ and endless ‘Danger,’ ‘Slow’ and ‘Police’ warning signs, I have to admit that I’m feeling a fresh creep of concern seeping into my tired brain, especially after the motorway madness from last night that’s already fried my nerves and left me with a madman’s twitch. Still, we’re here to do what we came to do, and after all this pain a quick look around the countryside confirms that this looks like one of the sweetest road-rides we’ve ever set tyre on.

I’d like to be able to tell you which of the snake-linked bends was the wildest, or which hairpin we took the hardest, or perhaps which of the straights was the quickest, but I just don’t know – as Jon was slamming gears through the sequential ‘box and barking the 263bhp motor, my eye’s were scanning the sky high above and deep into the distant horizon, searching for any signs of the Her Majesty’s Finest…

The drive to the Cat & Fiddle pass was one of the hardest, meanest things I’ve ever done. There were times when we could’ve cried like kids and wailed for our mums, but we didn’t. We kept singing our songs in our heads, made it to the pass and grabbed the exclusively killer RubberDuck video – available by clicking the movie icon at the top right of this page. I wonder what song Jon was singing in his head? ‘I’m Every Woman’ by Chaka Khan most probably…! Anslow

The exciting new move sees RubberDuck, which was recently awarded a ‘Car Magazine of the Year’ award by Quark, Microsoft and WIRED magazine, commit to a long line of digital access initiatives that will be rolled out from this December onwards – ultimately opening up the unique benefits of digital to the Deaf and the Blind.

Speaking of her new role, profoundly-Deaf editor, Lilli Risner said: “I think the magazine having a BSL function is absolutely fabulous. It’ll be the first time this has ever happened, so kudos to RubberDuck! The magazine is very exciting to read. I love the way the content is presented and the graphics too, especially the revolving ‘wildest, maddest’ slogan.”

Production of RubberDuck’s new BSL function was over-seen by Remark! – the UK’s largest Deaf-led/Deaf-run company. Talking of their involvement, Head of Translation Rebecca Edwards said: ” We are very excited to be working with RubberDuck on their pioneering digital Deaf-enabled function. Currently there are no similar projects to this available and at Remark! we love to be involved in anything groundbreaking.”

RubberDuckMagazine is one of the UK’s longest serving digital magazines and as such remains the UK’s only interactive online car magazine – with a firm following of both male and female, from as far a field as North America, Australia, South Africa and the UAE.

The creative team includes Jon Saxon, Dan Anslow, Andy Screen, Gavin Weston and Russell Clark – who have collectively worked for EVO, CAR, Playboy and iGizmo.

www.rubberduckmag.com

So the team here at RubberDuckMag would like to duly show off their blowing skills by airing the fact that our dear little Duck has been nominated for ‘Car Magazine of the Year’ by DMA – the official awards body for outstanding achievement in the Digital Magazine Industry.

We still have 7-days to wait for the final announcement, but not wanting to waste an opportunity to make a hoopla I invite you to lean your support our way – ultimately by turning up the volume on your computer (in the more public and inappropriate place the better) and CLICKING the word TRUMPET!

Though the team’s appointed ‘pat and pet’ man, I must admit that I’d struggle a stroke, never mind chuck a stick for this smug bastard. I mean just look at him. Out of shot is an orderly queue of eager party-goers patiently awaiting their turn to wipe that smug look from his face…

Not all dogs are this arrogant, as ardent readers of RubberDuckMag.Com will happily confirm (see previous ‘Digital Dogs’ blog entry); never an issue goes by without a friendly pooch of sorts casually splayed across a page or two – none more memorable than the Lamborghini Labrador, featured in the launch issue, and the random Retriever which gatecrashed issue two’s Caterham photoshoot. The latter can be found at the tail-end (page 15) of the current issue of Plastic Pig – RubberDuckMag.Com’s monthly newsletter. CLICK HERE to read Plastic Pig FREE today.